i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize