I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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