Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
