Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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