i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
