eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
