why didn't you poke me back
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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