I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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