is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
