so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
