One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
