the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
