I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
