Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
