Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
