I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
