Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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