I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
