this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
