To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
