The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
