Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize