I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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