Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
