I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
