TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
