just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
