When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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