Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
