I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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