Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
