the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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