Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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