girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
