i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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