I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
