If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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