Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
