My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
