I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
