I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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