I cannot find my penis.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you would pick up someone in the library
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
two words: eviction party
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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