Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
