I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize