I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
