I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
