Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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