ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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