dude i'm inner monologue high
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I deserve this hangover.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
