these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
