it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
