she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
