Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
