So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
