I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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