Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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