he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
