A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
