She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
