Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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