We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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