Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
