My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The power of my boobs compel you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
