can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
