she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
