i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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