piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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