i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
