Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
