i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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