I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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