I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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