Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
