the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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