You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
