I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
