I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
