That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
