Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
