SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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