at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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