I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
