Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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