While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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