I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
