This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Found your dick twin last night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize