RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
